No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
