Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
