Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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