He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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