So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
