i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
