thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
