they need to just BURY HIM!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
