how can u be prego again
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
