Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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