i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
