She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
