i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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