Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
