I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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