it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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