she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
