remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
two words: eviction party
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
