so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
