when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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