So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
