there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
