Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
