so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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