You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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