Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
