the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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