I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's never too late to be topless.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
