I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.