I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day