I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot