Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
