Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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