Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
