I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
