capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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