I'll bet she douches with gravy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
