im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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