you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
