if i died would you start the facebook group?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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