fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
