I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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