I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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