Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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