Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
