i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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