thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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