sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
