I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
