why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
