so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
