i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
