i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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