Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
