Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
