All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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