Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
