but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
