im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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