Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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