Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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