He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
