I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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