She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
