We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize