After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
