you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
