Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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