I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
