Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
