how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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