I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
