I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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