It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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