hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
