ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
