Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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