sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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