I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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