I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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