Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
