I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
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OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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