Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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