You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize